2:38 a.m. - 2004-12-24
what might've been
Helllloooo :) Im an auntie! I'm so excited. Austin is the cutest little baby ever, not that im impartial or anything! I changed it's dirty diaper today though. . . Tommy wanted to change it, so he set Austin down and just stared at him--and was like, I dont know how to take this off (referring to the diaper) I just laughed and took off my jacket, because I was about to leave, and said I'd do it. So I took off the diaper, and let me tell you, it was such a mess :) Little babies can get like that. And while I was wetting the wipees, wouldn't you know that that little bugger decided to pee everywhere!! My dad tried to cover it up and got peed on his arm. LoL it was so funny, I'm just glad that I was at the sink when it happened. They have a lot to learn though, just like any new parents would. I'm still scared to handle babies sometimes, like I'm going to break them if I pick them up :) Im just glad that Marianne and Austin are both okay. Hopefully, she'll get to come home from the hospital tomorrow instead of on Christmas day. Either way, Austin was the best Christmas present that we could be blessed with.

Babies are miracles. I was thinking about it when I first saw Austin. I know the science of it. How it's just a ball of cells then blah blah blah. But, why does it happen. The why it happens is the miracle in itself. God blesses us with the ability to make and carry a baby with us. I know, I know, I complain about being a girl all the time. And I know I worry about things like being pregnant. If you didn't know that, then I guess you're not close to me. I used to think I was pregnant even when it was physically not possible. But the fact is is that we form a baby inside our bodies. Isn't that just a miracle? I know Im too young, but when the time is right I know I will feel so blessed to have the ability to carry a baby inside of me and have it form from a single cell. haha, Im sure birth is a hell of a time, but it's just such a miracle. I can't get over the fact. When I saw Austin I just wanted to cry, he's so precious.

Ahhh, it was a late night tonight. I didn't even end up going out until nine thirty tonight. That's after I slept til after noon :) Hey, it's christmas break. Me, Ash, Maria, and Donnie (maria's boyfriend) went to a hockey game in cranberry and then a bunch of people went to Montecello's. Although I couldn't drink, it's cooool. We still had a good time :) Then we went over Donnies (monaca donnie haha) because he just got home from the air force. It was good times! I just got home thoughhh and I'm not tired at all.

I cant believe that it's Christmas Eve already. Wow, how this year has flew by. Im ready for the year to be over so I can start it fresh. Life has kicked me in the ass, but Im glad it did. It's changed my perspective on life and people in general. I've had my sadness, deaths, scares, and just living differently. I've made awesome friends at school and i've grown closer with the ones I have. I've learned to appreciate my family more, because no matter what, I know they will be there for me. I've realized how young I am and how much life I have left to live. I also learned how some people can be taken from your life in an instant, with no warning whatsoever. I've learned to appreciate the good times, forgive, try to forget, and learn from the hard times. I believe I'm a stronger person now. I believe that I'm more independent. I know I can make it through anything. I'm glad I found a career where I'll feel so fulfilled with my life. I dont want to live to please other people anymore.

I'm happy. Sometimes I get scared and try to wish things back, but I know that I dont want to change anything. I really dont. My life wasn't headed in the right direction before and I know that now. I need to be me for awhile :)

-Amber

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